Many people succeed in life thanks to their IQ. But there is an even more powerful predictor of success
. We all know people who are smart but have little success in life because they don’t get along with everyone. They have a high IQ but their EQ is really bad. The good news is that anyone can learn how to improve your EQ, while the IQ is pretty hard to change.
“Criticizing others is a form of self-praise. We think the wall murals in the house will be more straightforward by telling the neighbors that all of their paintings are bent or broken.”
They Don’t Let Others Hurt Them
Do you know people who make others feel alert when they are with them? If you try your life so badly that it unintentionally annoys them, will they prejudice you? It is a sign of a very low EQ.
Emotionally mature people are very determined, able to accept on the surface without being content, and do not subjectize failure. Even when they have a difficult life, they still manage to rise and learn from the pain, and become even better people than before. They don’t dwell on the past, but learn from it. They realize that the past is out of control, so they choose to live in reality, and build a better future.
People with a high EQ never hold onto harmful personal ideologies and tell themselves negative things. They refuse to feel bad enough, bitter, disappointed, disgusted, or cruel. If there’s a grieving party, it’s over quickly, and they definitely won’t send you invitations. Rather than just focusing on weak points, people with a high EQ aim for their strengths. Hence, with high EQ, you can achieve success more easily in this 4.0 industrial revolution
People with a high EQ refuse to feel insecure or cling to negative experiences. They don’t justify it but admit it when they make a mistake and apologize. They never shirk responsibility by saying things like: “I have no choice.” They never let others decide for themselves, but always take the wheel to control their life. They are patient people who can adapt to the situation when life is not what they intended.
A person with a high EQ is never self-contained with others. Although they still know relationships can hurt, they also understand the values they provide enough to compensate for that hurt. They never look for less frightening and more controllable alternatives such as pet relationships, with imaginary people to take the place of real life.
Think about the Past
Most of us make the mistake of thinking too much about things that happened in the past. Like the longing for stability, humans also have one more desire, which is control. We are always obsessed with the idea that, with enough effort and perseverance, people can do or achieve anything.
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For people who think about mistakes in the past, they often assume that if they did it differently, things could have been better. This thought will give them the feeling that they are in control, but it actually only takes time.
Even when you constantly think about something bad or have made a mistake in the past, you will naturally feel guilty and regretful. These people form an unconscious habit of constantly replaying past mistakes because it gives an instant sense of control. And the feeling of making things under control distracts from the feeling of helplessness – that is really what we think about the past.
In fact, thinking or tormenting about past mistakes will not change what happened. That means feeling helpless is inevitable. Although it is uncomfortable, people with high emotional intelligence not only understand but also accept it.
If you want to move on with your life instead of being trapped in the past, you have to accept what happened, including feeling helpless. You have to give up on tormenting back and forth, even if it helps you temporarily forget the real pain – the pain of helplessness.
When you feel insecure, act for the present rather than dwell on the past. Do something useful, right now, no matter how small – and resist the temptation to repeat your past misstep.
Don’t lose control of your future by pretending that you can control the past.
“Thinking too much is a disease.”
– Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Embrace Illusory, Delusional Expectations
Creating illusory expectations and goals to control those around you is also a mistake. Of course, most people who embrace illusory dreams don’t think so. High expectations encourage them to grow, mature and become the best version of themselves!
It is possible, but this is still a form of control. You imagine what others should do or achieve and that expectation is how you will try to make it happen. But what exactly does embracing false expectations mean?
Simply put, you take your time to create stories about what other people should do in your head. And when they are unable to meet those standards, you will reflexively compare reality with those expectations and feel frustrated and frustrated.
How will you react to that disappointment and inhibition? By creating even higher expectations, because that makes you feel comfortable and in control! Of course you care about those around you and want the best for them. Watching them suffer also hurts you. So when you create stories about how they succeed and do better (expectation), you feel a little better at ease.
The problem is, you cannot really control others, even with good intentions, not even a little. That means you create a constant cycle of lofty hopes and ultimate disappointment.
Moreover, when those around you feel your great expectations, they will become upset. In the long run, they even deliberately act against all your expectations! The solution is to let go of those expectations. Stop creating stories about what you want for others. Instead, be willing to accept who they really are:
Respect the difficulties they are facing instead of dreaming of success in the future. Don’t yearn for perfection, but instead set realistic boundaries in behavior. Accept who they are instead of what you want them to be. Keep only hope, not expectation.
“He’s swimming in a sea of expectations from others. There are a lot of people drowning like that.”
– Robert Jordan
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Things you need to know
If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, try approaching the problem the opposite way: Instead of trying to increase your EQ, first identify and eliminate bad habits that hinder self-development, course of emotional intelligence.
- Don’t criticize others.
- Don’t worry about the future.
- Don’t be tortured by the past.
- Don’t expect too much from others.
Last modified: December 2, 2020